I Hate Kissing My Husband!

Reader Yuck writes,

I love my husband but can’t stand kissing him. He is aggressive when I want it to be a softer, romantic kiss. Not sure why I didn’t notice this earlier. I’m thinking our early dating life involved drinking and I thought he was a great guy and didn’t notice. Now I wonder after almost 5 years of marriage how he hasn’t noticed me dodging his kisses. Terrible but true.

I’ve tried to communicate that softer was better but don’t want to hurt his feelings. But, also hate that I don’t always want to kiss my hubby. Pecks here and there are fine but it seems during passionate sessions that’s the last thing I want to do.

Dear Yuck,

Totally feel you! Bad kissing is the worst. When I was single, I kissed many “aggressive kissers” and they all did that thing where they stick their tongues into your mouth and swirl it around, which I assume is what your husband is doing. This indicates generally that your husband probably didn’t have many early long term girlfriends, like in high school. High school sweethearts are generally who teach you how to kiss, since that’s all you’re doing for months or years. Once guys get to college, they start drinking a lot, so when they make out with women, a lot of it is drunk or just in the context of very short term relationships, so nobody really “trains” them.

And then you and he were drinking a lot too so you didn’t notice either. So your poor husband may assume that he kisses in a way that you enjoy, because, sadly, you never told him. More likely, though, I bet he’s noticed that you won’t kiss him or shy away. But what’s he going to say? “Hey, I noticed you shrink away in disgust when I try to kiss you?” Now there’s an awesome conversation opener.

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