Never let someone control you

Identify the difference

People exert control in two ways: explicit and implicit. Explicit control is open, violent, and aggressive. It’s not something that can be disguised as “care and concern”. Explicit control is another word for domination. It means that somebody treats you like a marionette. The person controlling you looks at you like a pawn. They think they own your life, so they veer you in any direction by maneuvering your life’s strings. Although it sounds horrible, this type of control is less harmful than its counterpart, because explicit control is obvious but implicit is not. While shouts, threats, abuses, and uninhibited bouts of anger characterize the former, the latter is denoted by emotional blackmail, excessive display of affection, and coaxing. Implicit control can never be recognized because it is blended with so much emotion.

If somebody repeatedly forbids you from going out, saying that they love you and want to spend time with you, they are controlling you. However, their ways are very different from atypical shouts and threats. This person will wheedle and emotionally blackmail you to keep you from doing something against their will. It’s easy to get out of situations where you are being controlled explicitly. Somebody treats you unfairly so you try to get away from that person. But what if you receive unreasonable treatment but your defense seems unjustified? This is because you are treated unfairly but it is never evident — it’s camouflaged as affection. Although you are being controlled, it’s hard to think about it that way. The culprit always victimizes themselves and shifts the blame on you. They express so much affection and continuously remind you of your importance in their life that you feel guilty for leaving that person. It’s insane that self-defense ends up troubling your conscience. You think that you are the wrong one and the person you’re trying to escape has done nothing wrong. There emerges a dilemma of judging someone’s treatment of you.

I’m sure what you’re thinking right now: how to escape situations of implicit control? The answer is to strengthen your resolve and listen to your inner voice. Know that you are being wronged when your heart says you are wronged. Don’t let people’s facade of niceness blind you. Even if you feel guilty, do not hesitate to save yourself. Not taking timely action is going to result in everlasting control because you won’t ever be able to decide then.

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